So I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about the concept of happiness, and what it really means. I’m not sure there can really be any concrete definition of the word, considering it means so many things to so many different people. Of course there are the things that immediately come to mind when you hear the word, like money, love, success, and so on. But it goes so far beyond that, and in many different directions depending on the person. Some people find happiness in achievements, success, and overcoming obstacles. Others go through their entire lives desiring nothing more than some basic fulfillment, to feel like they really matter and are contributing something. Still others just want to be content with their situations. It goes on and on and everywhere in between.
In America happiness has gotten attached to the concepts of success, wealth, and providing for your family. Many people spend their entire lives just working toward the goal of living comfortably. Some people spend 20 years in school to get their dream job. Once they have it, they work 50 hour weeks trying to get ahead and make more money. They have a nice family and a nice home in an upscale neighborhood, but before they realize it, their kids have already left the house, and they’re still working to get ahead. The next time turn around, they’re 65, wildly successful, yet still somehow unfulfilled and unhappy. That’s when it hits them that they’ve got everything they ever dreamed of, and it still doesn’t feel like they thought it would. Life passed them by. But at the same time, they have a feeling of accomplishment, knowing they gave their families wonderful lives, and their children the opportunities to do whatever they dreamed. In that regard it is somewhat a matter of perception. It is this intense progress- and achievement-driven society that has made the American economy the strongest in the history of the world. No richer nation has ever existed; not even close. Yet, Americans rank outside the top 25 on happiness surveys.
To contrast that, Denmark, which tops no one’s list of dream vacation spots, has been #1 in various happiness rankings for years. Denmark is a cold, almost bland place, with little to offer in terms of scenery. It is a nation that, while certainly well off, isn’t one of the world’s richest by any means. And still, when asked to rank their happiness one to ten, you consistently get 8s and 9s out of almost everyone. Why is this? From what I can tell it is a cultural difference from Americans. They value to simply be content with life, regardless of what it offers you, and be fulfilled in your endeavors. It’s that simple. They go to college and have good jobs and live a good life. The difference is they’re always content with where they are, and where they’re going, at every stage along the way.
As I progressed through these random thoughts over the past few weeks, I started to move towards wondering how someone becomes happy, and not necessarily why. It is a difficult question considering there is no way to measure happiness directly in the brain. Pleasure can be measured by activity in particular areas, but pleasure is a mere fleeting moment, whereas happiness is almost a continual level of pleasure, if not on a smaller scale. So what individual concepts really cause happiness? A joke can cause a few happy moments, not necessarily lending anything to the overall level of happiness. On the other end of the spectrum, I imagine watching the successful life of a child as he or she goes through life would lead to immense, sustained happiness for the remainder of life. Things as small as a smile from someone you care about can completely turn around a bad day. Other people find their most powerful happiness in making others happy. Anyway, I can go on with this all day. I suppose what point I’m getting to is that the concept of happiness is very subjective. It is, quite literally, all in your head. A person is capable of choosing to value those things that will most often lead to sustained happiness, although there is obviously a considerable cultural factor involved as well. The greatest thing, in my eyes, in the pursuit of happiness ( I spell gooder than Will Smyth,) is just being content with your situation, regardless of what it may be, hopeful about the future, and fulfilled in your daily life. If you can find a way to live your life this way, it will almost certainly ensure some real meaningful happiness.
So what is the point of all of this? I started going down this road lately, as I began to wonder what it is that makes me happy. I’ve really started to feel like I’m a downer all the time, and pretty rarely in a good mood. So why? I think as far as the things listed above go, I’m somewhere in the middle. I’m extremely hopeful about the future, in terms of my success, and relatively fulfilled in most areas. Yet, I’m pretty rarely content. I always think things should be better than they are. Maybe that is the real problem. Then again, I don’t know that it is. I think this is where the wildcard factor, at least as I see it, comes in. There is within all of us, though to extreme varying degrees, a natural need for socialization, companionship, love, etc. For some people, it means just having good friendships, and yet others are never happy single, and always cling to the first person to reciprocate any meaningless affection. Some people can have all of the things listed above, and yet be absolutely miserable because they don’t have someone to care about. Still, I don’t think that’s quite it. I’ve got great relationships. My family is great and I’ve got some pretty sweet friends. I don’t think the fact I’m single is bringing me down all on its own. I think more than that, what I really long for in a relationship, is some sort of 3rd party affirmation of myself. It feels almost like I need someone to validate my worth, by reciprocating meaningful affection. I don’t know if that is a self-esteem issue or what, but it definitely doesn’t sound healthy. What I think I need to do is just focus on being happy with who I am, and what I have, which is quite a damn bit really. If I start to really be content with my general situation, continue to be hopeful for the future, and strive to find fulfillment in those areas important to me, maybe I can get out of this funk. Who knows though. It is all a matter of perception, so maybe I just need to try to swing that a little.
Anyway I don’t have some big poignant conclusion to all this. To be honest, if I really thought anyone would take the time to read it, I wouldn’t have written it. Don’t want to be called a fag by the bullies at school and whatnot. haha. I just had all this stuff going around in my head and wanted to sort through it visually. I barely skimmed the surface, but I’m getting pretty tired of typing. I’ll revisit it later I’m sure. If you do take the time to read this, leave me a comment or something, let me know what you think.
Goodnight.
